i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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