Whod you bang
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
