U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
