I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
