I could make wine with my vomit
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
