Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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