This girl is more easily done than said...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
