as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Is Oprah even human
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
