she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
