I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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