I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
