Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
