you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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