i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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