areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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