I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
