the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
