Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
