and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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