Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
