I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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