i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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