I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
