Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
