I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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