I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
