so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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