seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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