don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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