I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize