You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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