New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
