hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
