There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I supernannyed him into submission
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
