do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
