Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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