EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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