I don't think brook has ever known best
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
