my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
