oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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