They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
