all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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