operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
