My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
