Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
