I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
