I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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