I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
