When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
