The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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