He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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