I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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