is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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