Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Girls should come with a carfax report
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
