I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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