Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
