What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
are you so shy because you have an std?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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