You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize