i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
