I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
