i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
